I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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