i don't like sucking hair
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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