You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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