I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
