His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
