Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize