She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
pray to the hookup gods
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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