I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
