My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
