We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just had sex bonerless
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
