Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
