I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
