um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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