it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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