I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
