Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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