its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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