i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
