Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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