did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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