Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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