At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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