Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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