His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
