No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
