so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize