I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
