the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
