Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
there is glitter all over my balls
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