totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
