guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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