i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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