May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I could fuck to npr.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
