We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As shirtless as possible
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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