in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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