I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize