Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
