FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
