i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
