is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
