New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
