hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
