Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Success! We fucked roommates!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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