If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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