i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
