3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize