well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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