I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
