If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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