Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Congratulations! We have a period
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
