quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
