I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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