Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
