Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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