Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i think i just lost a toe
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