I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize