I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
