dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
