Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
