we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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