OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
