I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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