he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
