I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
