Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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