I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
