so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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