i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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