There was a lot of him and a little penis
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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