No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
