She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
