Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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