Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
