Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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