Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
