i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
