I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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