I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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