So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize