Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
