I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
