omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
