I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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