and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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