Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
