And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
