so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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