When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
