So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
