Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
