They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
