i would punch a child for taco bell
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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