i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
3pm strippers are depressing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
