he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
