Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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