Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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