....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Randomize
