He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
