Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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