id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
