I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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