woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
