ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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