just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
