I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
