ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize