i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is her dick bigger than yours?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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